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(The Alternative Language Study Guide for London)

*EU = Extra Unusual


Welcome to my London language study guide.  This is for people who want to study English in Britain, especially in London.  This is an independent guide and not connected with any language school. A guide to the many language schools is below. On the left are links to other pages on this site.

Our Royal Family - Some facts they don't want you to know.

English Fashion - A cultural guide to what people wear and why they wear it.

Eggs - Nature's fast food, as eaten by the English.

Knights of the Round Table - Southern Britain is the home of King Arthur.

Cheese - Some weird stuff about our cheeses

English Lessons - Dialects, accents, idiomatic English, audio and video lessons.


Before you start, I want to say sorry to the people of Andorra, Belarus, Bolivia, Burundi, Central African Republic, Chad, Congo, Republic of Guatemala, Ivory Coast, Kyrgyzstan, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Mali, Marshall Islands, Monaco, Mongolia, Paraguay, Sao Tome and Principe, Sweden, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and the Vatican City. 

These are the only countries on the world, which (peaceful) Britain has never attacked or invaded. Forgive us, we were too busy being beaten/invaded by the French, Germans and Dutch. We didn't forget you, and we know how attractive your countries really are. 

For everyone else: Invade Britain now :)

Every year 600,000 students come to Britain to study English and most of them come to London. Why? Well firstly it is the No 1 destination for language study, because it is an international "Centre of Excellence". Secondly there are more pretty girls and good loooking guys here than anywhere else. Thirdly, London is cool. I know Plovdiv is a wonderful place, and so is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysiliogogogoch, but one is in Bulgaria and the other is difficult to say when you're drunk. What? Still can't say it? Listen here:

You could go to America, but if you have seen one McDonalds, you've seen them all. America has more than 50 states. The first 13 liberated themselves from a German king in London, then they bought 15 more states from France, and in the 1840s America invaded Mexico to obtain Texas, New Mexico and California. The other states came from Wallmart, Coca Cola and the Ford Motor Company. No, for real culture you must come to Britain, inventors of the concentration camp, flushing toilets (Thomas Crapper), the Titanic, and the world's first Muslim lesbian wedding (May 2013). No contest!! You must come to London, so let us look at the London Language Schools:

First check your Map

That's correct, either your map has smallpox, or there are more language schools than people! The best schools are the one registered with the British Council. The British Council's website is here . It tells you everything about studying English in the UK, including qualifications, language centres and how to apply. The British Council is a very respectable and well known cultural organisation. Although it is funded by the British government and therefore a neo-liberal imperialist lackey of the American hegemony/the US industrial-military complex, and a semi-fascist dictatorship, they are really very nice people at the British Council. Language schools registered with the British Council are listed here.

Use this website to choose your school, and the exams or qualifications of your choice. There is useful visa information here too and the website contains some good on-line English lessons for you to practice before you arrive in Britain.

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